Life happens

Nora rolled over, and it was quite an event!

Nora rolled over for the first time today, and I was there to witness her milestone. I didn't see the other two children roll. Michaela and Lydia both achieved theirs in daycare, while I was working. But it could just as easily have happened at home, and I would have missed it. I was never focused the way I am right now. There was always some work project to do, freelance to write, laundry to clean. I was running to get ahead at work, running to get ahead at home, and sometimes I just running to get away. And then time passes. You know how it goes—what feels like five minutes is actually a year to regular folk. (Regular folk = people without kids.) But now, I get to stop. Stop and actually witness beautiful moments that are once in a lifetime. It was joyous, I tell you. Every smile, every coo, every twinkle in her eye. I own them. They are burned in my mind, which is much clearer these days now I am home.

As I was watching her roll back and forth over and over, I was thinking about my aunt who lost her son last week to a heart attack at 51. It was very sad and shocking. My mother felt a huge loss for my aunt, and reminisced a lot. She told me time and again how my cousin looked like Brad Pitt and was the epitome of health. No one knew he had heart problems, not even him. But I guess he knew something was wrong because he told a friend the night before if anything happened to him to take care of his mother, my aunt. That just makes me so sad.

I actually haven't seen him since I was 14. He lived so many states away, and well, life happened. Soooo much life happened. I felt guilty about this after I found out about his death. I thought of him often over the years and cherished childhood memories of him hoisting me on his shoulders, walking me from room to room singing — Bad Bad Leroy Brown Baddest Man in the Whole Damn Town. It feels like yesterday I was that pudgy little 5 year old with the big personality and the husky voice. I remember running around his house, crushing on his "Brad Pitt" beauty, and mostly just basking in his kindness. He was sincere in his kindness. I shared this memory once to an old boyfriend's father, many years ago. I'll never forget his reply: That's a very important memory to keep, he said. It's like he said it yesterday. It's that vivid. Just like my cousin singing that song is still in my mind.

Never in a million years did it occur to me that I wouldn't see him again.
When I close my eyes, it really feels like I just did. I swear it feels just like yesterday.

I am so grateful to still have these memories. And that's what today will become: A beautiful memory of Nora completely moving her body for the first time. It's already etched in my mind.