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| Beautiful Nora Lee |
When I received the news about a year ago that I was pregnant with my third at 42, I was ecstatic. It took awhile to happen, so I thought it was a lost cause. Getting those positive results was definitely surreal. And immediately I felt the morning sickness.
I was feeling it the same day when I went in for my first ob-gyn appointment. I didn’t know how many weeks I was, but I could guess. I thought it was a little over six. Because of my age, I was considered “at risk,” so I asked for an ultrasound. This was the same procedure I had followed two years prior with my second. So I wasn’t out of the ordinary.
Disbelief.
They couldn’t find a heartbeat. The technician searched and searched, and said it was not there. She told me I had lost the baby. Immediately I went into a fog. I still felt pregnant, but I had a miscarriage before. But that one was an obvious loss. Maybe it was just the high progesterone levels that made me feel this way? I’ve read a miscarriage can mimic signs of pregnancy. Blame it on the hormones, right?
The doctor didn’t come to look at my ultrasound, but was available the next day to perform the D&C. He said he’d “be honored.” True story. I saw so many people in that office that day—everyone from the technician and doctor to the midwife and scheduling nurse. Everyone had a story about miscarriage, as if it was as natural as breathing. Statistics show that one in four women actually experience a miscarriage, so in this profession, it must seem normal. As if a loss could ever feel normal.
Instinct.
Something inside me told me to wait through the weekend and have the procedure the following week. It was Thursday; we scheduled it for Tuesday. My coworker called to find out why I wasn’t coming into work that morning. She was pregnant at the time, too, and gave me the best piece of unsolicited advice I have possibly ever had. She said: “No you are not getting that procedure. Get a second opinion.” A second opinion? I never even thought about it. It took time to wrap my head around it. Who would I even call? I don’t know any other doctors. I’ve been with the same practice since I was 18.
I tried to put the procedure out of my mind. Over the weekend I did what all mothers do. I tended to the things that needed tending to and tried to forget the other things. There was laundry and food shopping, swimming lessons and my husband’s fantasy baseball draft. Clearly we were busy.
Feelings.
Through it all I still felt pregnant. Finally, I called my doctor's offices on Saturday to tell them I wanted another ultrasound. Here’s the thing… no one called me back that weekend. Not one. And when I told them I didn’t want to have the procedure, I was made to feel like I was crazy. “So, wait, you don’t want to come in Tuesday?” Didn’t I just say that, dumb ass?
Luck.
I am lucky. This has a happy ending. I found another doctor’s office to get a second opinion ultrasound. The entire office knew of the news I was anxiously waiting to hear—and were also on edge. And there it was…a beautiful, strong healthy heartbeat. Everyone in the office practically cried with me when they learned of the news. It was a powerful moment I will never forget.
My baby is four months now and, of course, I couldn’t imagine life without her. But my experience is something I could live without. It cast a shadow on my entire pregnancy. I didn’t actually become fully attached to my pregnancy until we went through the genetic testing process. At that ultrasound, all the technicians wanted to know why I couldn’t stop crying; I was petrified I would get bad news. When I saw the baby’s progress, had them identify the sex, and received her excellent results, I knew she was going to be okay. Someone higher was definitely looking out for us.
Questions.
Why didn’t the doctor’s offices do due diligence and have a follow up procedure? Why did they want to do it the very next day? Naturally there were so many questions. When I called the offices to tell them about this heartbeat, the scheduling nurse said, “Oh my God.” More like, “Thank God.” It was miracle. Of course there were emails and talk of them implementing best practices, but I’ll never know if that actually happened. I left and went on to have a beautiful delivery with the other doctor.
For a long time I couldn’t talk about this. It was too emotional. It still is. But as my baby grows and my family marvels, I feel like it’s really important I do.
Powerful.
I challenge that one in four number. And here’s why. The ultrasound technician who gave me my wonderful news had some incredible news of her own. The very same thing happened to her. Someone performed her ultrasound and gave her negative results. Right before the procedure she decided to have another one. And, well, I bet you can guess the rest…
Amazing story, Karen. I'm very happy for your blissful happy ending!
ReplyDeleteFrom years of being immersed in the world of TTC (trying to conceive) I know that heartbeats generally should be detected by 6 weeks but sometimes detecting them can be fickle, or the embryo might need a few more days of development before the heartbeat is detected. Perhaps some practictioners overly trust their ultrasound equipment? Who knows? In my personal case, in 2008 I had one short-lived pregnancy during which the heartbeat was detected at 6 weeks but then at 8 weeks it had stopped. My doctor's practice automatically did a second, confirmation ultrasound a day or two later, this appointment was with the doctor rather than with the technician. Unfortunately that only served to confirm the sad news. I chose to have a D&C in order to avoid the pain of a natural miscarriage during the Christmas holiday season. Also, I wanted to have the "products of conception" tested (this is the medical term). I learned that my baby was male and had a genetic abnormality called trisomy 13, an extra 13th chromosome. This news reassured me that "I" didn't cause the end of the preganancy, that it was inevitable.
As in your case, my "gut" told me 2 days before my 8 week appointment that something was wrong. I had stopped feeling the warmth and pulling sensations in my lower abdomen. The morning of my appointment I experienced a small amount of morning sickness which I had hoped meant everything was in fact OK, but it was just my body continuing to react to the elevated levels of hormones. Anyway, I think your post is as much about seeking a second medical opinion as it is about trusting your intuition. It seems to me right in both your case and mine.